I have struggled with sharing this story publicly but with the approval of a young lady, I will. A few nights ago I received a message from a teenage girl who thanked me for sharing my struggles on this blog. She had been searching the best way to commit suicide. She ran across this blog and then researched Jared's Keepers. She said she cried all night and the next morning talked to her mom and they went to get her help that very day. There was a reason she found this site and Jared's Keepers....maybe a little divine intervention on a computer? I told her I was glad to hear that she reached out for help. I also told her YOU ARE A KEEPER don't give up.
I hope this young lady comes to love herself as much as her mother does. I hope that she grows into a beautiful woman with so many happy years ahead of her.
I have also had a couple of young people reach out to me that were feeling down and they too reached out to their parents and are getting help from medical professionals. They just wanted to let me know that I made a difference in their life. WOW that means it is worth it all.
A friend and I were chatting last night talking about when her brother attempted suicide when we were younger. I remember it like it were yesterday. I can't tell you how happy I was it was not successful. He is now a very successful professional and has a beautiful family.
We all struggle with life. I do every day! I won't lie, there are days I think Lord it is ok if you take me now to be with Jared, I miss him so very much. But I know in my heart it just isn't my time to go. Jared and God has given me a job to do. A very important job to do.
I am NOT a medical professional. I AM a mother with a very broken heart. My job is to let teens and others know it IS ok to ask and seek help. It IS ok to say I am in pain and need help to get rid of the pain.
In Jared's final letter he said he just simply missed his father so very much and he had lived almost 4 years without him. I want to wrap my arms around Jared and tell him I do understand, you see tomorrow will be 33 years without my dad. (Guess I am giving away my age) I was just 8 when he passed. While he didn't commit suicide in the literal sense of the word, he did take his life by the choices he made along the way. He was an extreme alcoholic as well as a smoker. Both contributed to his passing. Just as many stories float around the island and in the states of how Jared took his life, many stories still go around about my dad. I have come to realize it just doesn't matter....they are gone. I will say that the stories floating about Jared are not accurate. Well all but one. There are a few people that do know what happened. I am not ashamed of, nor will I ever be, of him or how he left the Earth. I have chosen not to share details for a few reasons. The first is because of young people like the one I began this post about. What if she would have found all the details on how it happened? She would have know exactly how it worked and how to accomplish it that night. That is the most important reason.
Secondly, Jared was told so very many vivid details of how it happened and how it looked and the aftermath of it all that it was burnt into him and he had terrible nightmares about it. Including thinking he was there for it. He could see it and that haunted him. I told people when it happened please do not share those details, but like all other things, it didn't matter because they were going to tell him everything. Just like I asked for him not to visit that house again until he was mature enough in his healing process to handle it...but the first visit back they took him right to the house and the room where it all took place with every bloody detail. I don't want others to have a visual of how Jared took his life. While it was nothing like what his dad did it is still something that is not yet ready to be shared.
I realised this more today than ever before. Why? Because the students in his high school in Tennessee have lost at least 4 students in the last 4 years to suicide. While some had transferred to private schools in Nashville, they had grown up together. They have lost parents, coaches, friends. HOW TERRIBLE! These kids have more to process than I think any of realized.
I pray that high school and college campuses around the World take a moment on September 10th to have complete silence and remember all those lost to suicide that have touched their lives.
Tomorrow I will have a day that I have hated for 33 years, I will get through it. I will also celebrate it. Why? Because I know in my heart, my dad was trying to make it a better day for me 14 years ago when he brought Rich into my life on that very day. Tomorrow I will remember my Dad and hope he and Jared are getting to know one another. I will also celebrate the most wonderful man that could have ever been brought into my life as a companion, friend, team mate, partner, and husband.
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