A couple of nights ago I was introduced to someone on the island as Jared's Mom and I got "the look" and I am so sorry greeting. At first it upset me...but then I thought why did I get upset? I AM JARED'S MOM! I am, was, and forever will be Jared's Mom. I am proud to be Jared's Mom! I was extremely anxious about this past weekend and especially for yesterday to come. Why? I really don't know. I thought back to something I told Jared....it is just a box on the calendar....nothing more. I try to remind myself of that often. As I went through the anniversary dates they just weren't so bad after I let go of the fear. Why was I fearing anything? He couldn't leave again.
I am proud to be Jared's Mom and I will move forward and do whatever I can to bring awareness to Suicide Prevention.
Today Rich and I had a "debriefing" session with Jared's, and now our, therapist. We all laughed, cried, and remembered Jared. She is wonderful! She has consistantly checked in on us. She too saw his lifeless body "that' morning. She is walking some of the same steps we are. She walked us back through the last month and how things went stateside and how we lost Poco and are coping with all of these crazy emotions.
After the session I have spent time in my new office and cleaning files off my computer because it is out of space! Wonder why with all the papers that have been saved for English and Science reports...lol
This gave me time and opportunity to find pictures that I forgot I even had and to think through all the thank yous that I have written and all the stories I have had shared with me. A couple of things were repeated over and over:
- He was such a cool kid
- He was so kind
- He made me laugh
- He made me feel special
- He always knew when I needed a hug
- He had so much God given talent
- He was an awesome Goalie
He was kind and made you feel special. He was always there to help people. Has been since he was a little boy. He used to always want to help me clean house so I would let him take the pledge and a dust rag and dust the base boards because they were closer to his height than mine at that time. He was always so proud of that. As he grew he helped his grandmother mow the yard on the riding mower. He was maybe 5 and was running it by himself! When storms would blow limbs down he could always be found across the street helping our neighbor out. When he had a medical scare, Jared was right there to offer help with mowing or whatever was needed. When the lady across the street from us lost her husband in an accident....we made her dogs treats for Christmas when we made Poco some and took her some cookies. He offered her the same help if she needed her yard mowed. Of course most people know he spent day and night helping Kingston Springs with the flood relief in 2010.
He did make you laugh and give you a hug when you needed it. He was always a huggy type of boy. I loved all the hugs when he was little. Even in elementary school I would get one every morning. Middle School? Not so many and definately not in front of the other kids. The picture in this post was taken while getting Jared's 3 year photos done. I wasn't planning to be in them, therefore, no make up and hair flat. I was sitting with him while the photographer was moving the camera and getting props set up and he kept hugging and kissing me. So she called out to us and snapped a photo. It is one of my favorites.
Need I even say how I felt about him and his talent when it came to soccer? HE WAS THE BEST....ask me and I will tell you. I really have no doubt he had what it took to go someplace big with it.
I only have one regret in my time with Jared....I didn't take a million more pictures and hug him and kiss him a million more times.
Yes I am very proud to be Jared's Mom. I don't mind if everytime I am introduced for the rest of my life I am introduced as Jared's Mom....I am honored. Very Honored!
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