Sometimes I cry when I hear a song or when I am getting ready to do something. Sometimes I cry at photos. Sometimes I just cry. But I cry because I love him so much. It is still hard for me to grasp he will not come back. At some point each day I will go to his Urn and just touch it. I say good morning to him each day and good night before bed. I listen to every bird, I see every lizard, and I see intense colors. my body had hinge through physical changes from weight loss to extremely dry skin on my legs that cause me to itch all the time. Sometimes even these things trigger tears. I wish he would have made the choice to go for the medical treatment he needed but I will not blame him. ...I love him. Things I have learned from his electronics break my heart so I cry because I love him.
Rich grieves differently than I do for many different reasons. He grieves as a step father who has helped to raise him since Jared was three. He grieves for the son he lost, for the relationship they shared. They had a beautiful relationship when Jared was small. Jared was all over Rich and enjoyed so much they would do. When Jared got older he went through the phase of. .. you aren't my dad. But recently it was typical up and down teenage stuff. However the diving and water activities continued to be shared including the plans for "that" day. I know when Rich cries it is because he loves Jared.
I guess what my point is when you see people cry, sometimes it is because they love someone they lost. Not because they lost someone they love.
That may not make sense to some, I understand. It is true, I think especially when you lose a child to sudden death. I think we cry over all that could have been. Because you want the best for your children. ... because you love them.
You cry at things you know they would have enjoyed with you. .. because you love them.
I love Jared. .. always have. .. always will.
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