Me Time

Over the past few days I have taken some time to work on me.  I have had to come to peace with internal struggles that have been taking place.  I have also had some unexpected blessings. On Wednesday, I had a message from the Principal at Free Will Baptist School here on island.  He asked if we could talk.  So I said I would be in his area and I would stop by.  When Jared attended Manor School he was to play soccer for FWBS but he transferred to Good Hope Country Day just as the season began, thus causing him to compete against them.  Nonetheless, he made great friends there.  I was feeling a spiritual pull to stop by the school but I didn't know why.  When I arrived I saw students of all middle school and high school age come out of the buildings.  My heart filled with joy.  I didn't understand it.  I asked where the Principal could be found and was directed toward his office.  As I came around the corner I locked eyes with his wife.  A little background for those who do not know.  I feel a connection to her that is special.  I can't explain it really but see she is from Dickson, TN just down the road from where we lived.  In addition she had a brother Jared who died in a car accident several years ago.  Her mother asked her to give me her information so we could connect.  I look forward to that connection next month.  Her husband also helped officiate Jared's service here on island.  Just another connection Jared has made for me.
When we embraced I began to cry.  It was like I had a tight hug that was helping to suck the sorrow out of my heart that I had been carrying for several days.  We then went into the office and she was telling me how crazy it was because today was the first day of school.  I was surprised....why was this connection made on the first day of school?  Did Jared know I needed to see happy kids?  While there I met a young man who attends Welch College in Nashville.  We talked and he stated...I will be there to walk with you in Nashville.  He just met me, never knew Jared, but he is going to walk with me?  There are 4 other students attending Welch that Jared did know.  I understand they too will be walking with us in Nashville.
Finally he was free and back we went to the Principal's office....haha.  He didn't know how to approach a question but he knew I would be a resource for information.  A long time teacher at the school had passed away stateside while receiving treatments.  His family asked if he would accompany the remains to St. Croix for his final resting place and to be spread at sea.  Well....unfortunately, I know a little about transporting a loved one's remains.  I explained that they would be carried on and they must go through the screening process and the container they are in must be able to be screened.  By complete luck, Jared's Urn was.  I explained to him the paperwork he should carry with him in case of any issues as he would be flying out of Washington DC.  After the business was addressed and I could now laugh about Jared's experiences in the scanners on our travels, we then turned to how are Rich and I doing.  I shared with him my struggles as well as my observation of Rich's.  We then turned the conversation to Jared's Keepers Foundation and I hope we can get the program into the school this year.

After leaving I had to run some errands and then to the Post Office.  In the box were two yellow slips....this means packages that won't fit in the box.  But we didn't order anything.  I was blessed with a beautiful daily devotional book from a dear sweet friend who lost her husband to suicide.  She and I have been able to share heartaches together.  She wrote a sweet message to me and I cherish is more than I could ever express.  I immediately opened it to June 14 and read.  It was as if Jared had written me a letter.  I had chills and was frozen in place.  I read and reread that message.  I then turned to August 20th, that was God speaking to me.  More peace came over me.

Then I opened a box from a friend in my hometown.  He is on the volunteer fire/rescue squad with my mom and has been since I was about 8.  I couldn't imagine what this was...I began to read the letter he wrote to me about how a picture I had posted touched him because I said it was my favorite picture of Jared and I because it was spontaneous.  I wasn't supposed to be in the pictures that day but Jared continued to hug on me so the photographer captured it....I am forever grateful.  He had created a beautiful wood carving of that picture!

It now hangs above my desk that I sit at to write this post.  I can't express to him how special this gift is to me.  It brought peace as well and warmth to my heart.

That evening we spent at the beach with friends having a bonfire.  It was spiritual for me.  I looked up at the stars and could hear Jared at about the age he was in the photo above saying "Mom, whenever I miss you I look at the stars and moon because you are looking at the same ones and I know you are not far away."  Pretty profound for a little guy.  I said you are right Jared....just look up and I am looking at them too.

I spent Thursday mowing in the morning and weed eating in the evening while Rich mowed....that is until I sliced my hand open on our fence.  Then it was taking care of my hand for the rest of the night.  

Friday we ventured down to the Boardwalk after the storms that dumped heavy rains on us all day to find a group of happy military guys from West Virginia on island, then the Men's National Soccer Team arrived, and the place came alive with hustle and bustle.  

I continue to find more information in Jared's phone as it is now mine as of Wednesday.  I had planned on Jared going with me to help me pick one out the Monday after he passed.  We even talked about it the night before, and he said you need a phone like mine mom.  Well, his was only 2 months old and so now I have one like his....better it was his.  But Jared had things in hidden folders.  Interesting because I just stumble onto them once in a while.  Like he is giving me a little at a time to digest and understand.  He also seems to only let me see what he wants when he wants.  

This week his Blazer and stereo equipment was listed for sale.  We got a call from a friend of ours and tomorrow I will meet a lady and her daughter who just arrived on island to attend UVI to look at the Blazer.  Again, his time, when he was ready.  I have learned to be patient.  Not easy at times.  I know there is more he is telling me and a time goes along, he will bring it to me in a form that others will see too.  

Good Night my little Keeper....I love you to heaven and back!