I have contemplated this question for days. I have come to realize that I keep coming back to positive words. I have thought: lonely, tragic, happy, loved, survived, hurt, and on and on. But I am blessed. I am all those other things too, but they only help me to realize how truly blessed I am. I have had many tragic moments in my life. The first I remember is my father being physically abusive to my mother. Then my father passing away the day after I had prayed for God to take him off the Earth. Yes, that one stung for a long time. In fact it resurfaced as a teenager when I went drinking with some friends and let it all bubble out. With some therapy I was able to work through it and understood I didn't cause his death. You see he would stalk me while I was at school. The teachers and local police were always watching me. I couldn't go anywhere by myself. Everyone was afraid for my safety. Little did I know that would just prepare me for later in life.
There was other abuse that I don't want to talk about here and now. I have worked through it as a teen and was counseled for it but it is hurtful to family members that didn't know what was going on. I certainly don't blame them at all, but it hurts them I know.
Then my grandfather suffered a debilitating stroke. This was very disturbing to me. I quickly went from a child who enjoyed riding on the tractor with him to caring for him. He had to have assistance with every task in life. After the loss of my dad I really clinched onto him and my brother who is just 10 years older than I am. At this same time frame my brother is dating and getting married. All the men in my life are GONE. Not really, but if felt like it.
With the loss of my parents marriage and death of my father I lost most of my Dad's family with it. We were like pool balls at the break....knocked all over the place. They had their life to live and didn't think much about me. I had my life to focus on.
I didn't have many close friends but the ones I did meant a great deal to me. Then one of my best friends and I had a falling out. Within a couple of months she was tragically electrocuted. Why? I also lost a friend to murder on her way home from work one summer. She was older and we were not close but we were in so many things together and she always was kind and made you feel as if you were her best friend.
When Dan and I got engaged my grandfather passed. About the same time by brother that was like my "dad" figure was expecting his 4th child. The following year we would lose that child just before his first birthday to a freak accident. He had rolled off a bed as so many children do. Unfortunately for us, he was called Home. I know his first treat in Heaven was meeting Grandpa and having a chocolate milk shake. About this same time I was sitting with Dan's Grandmother and watching the news to see another high school friend's car on the news. No it can't be......She and another girl had been murdered. Oh Dear Lord, PLEASE?
Other family and friends were lost along the way. Marriages died. Family units became broken.
Then of course my marriage, family unit broke. Really it was broken before it started but as all young couples you can make it work with love alone.....right?
But I have been blessed by far more than all these tragedies together. I am LOVED by GOD! I am loved by family. I am loved by friends. I am loved by my husband. I was/am loved by Jared. There is only one greater love than that of what you share with your child and that is what you share with the Lord. I am blessed because I have them both. I live in a beautiful place surrounded by God's beauty and I have come to enjoy every bit of it. I love the rain. I love the sun. I love the colorful flowers. I love the beautiful blues and turquoise colors of the ocean. I love every sunset, every moon, every star, and every cloud. I say Thanks every morning when I wake for another beautiful sun is risen and I have been blessed to enjoy another day.
I am blessed because I have been able to let go of all the anger toward my ex-in-laws. In fact I find humor in the asinine things they do and say.
I am blessed by Jared by being his Mom and for him directing me to start this Foundation. We are already reaching people and that is what it is all about.
All those tragedies I talked about above, I was blessed by them too. How? Well that is easy. Each one touched my life in a different way. With my Dad he taught me to not put up with the crap he gave my mother and his other wives. He also taught me that alcohol can destroy talent. I also was blessed by the other abuse. I learned that I can survive. My Grandfather taught me many things. Maybe he and Grandma taught me that no matter what you wear to church that God Loves you. You see I didn't have any church clothes and so Grandma took the dress off the Raggedy Ann doll and dressed me. Yes I hid under the pew the entire service until I had to go all the way to the front of the church for Children's Time. Again, I survived. But they also taught me how to care for life as it became more fragile. My young nephew taught me that death does not discriminate based on age. Enjoy every moment and don't take one for granted. My friends I lost, they taught me that I am blessed by friendship and at anytime I could lose that friend but enjoy every moment of your time together and cause a little trouble along the way. You see everyone, even the not nice ones, bless me in some way. The not nice people bless me because it brings back into consciousness how not to let your heart get so hard that you behave in such a manner.
I pray your life is blessed. I pray you surround yourself with Angels. Enjoy every moment, every flower, every season, every smell, every creature.
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