My Rock

What do you think of when you hear that?  A gravel drive?  A country road? A diamond ring? I think of a cute little boy in Kindergarten who had found a beautiful shiny rock on the playground and dressed up in his suit the last day of school and took that rock to a Kindergarten teacher and asked her to marry him.  I think of that same teacher telling that story a few years later and saying she still has that rock in her jewelry box and gave her, then fiance, a hard time because Jared had given her a bigger rock.  LOL
I also think of my wonderful husband.  He has been supportive, strong, protective and at time I see his vulnerable side.  To say he is amazing doesn't begin to describe it.
When Jared had his scooter accident in April, Rich was searching everywhere to find the a$$hole who did this to our son.  Little did he know this person was placed in an ambulance with Jared and me, where feelings rushed my body.  Rich was the rock.  He was the one we leaned on to see that everything was going to be ok.  He drove Jared's scooter home as Mom (who was visiting) and I took Jared to the ER.  He followed up on making sure the scooter was safe and drivable.
Then "this".   I can't tell you how, because it is such a fog but he jumped into a focused state of clarity.  He was my rock.  Deb come here, Deb sit down, Deb here is water, Deb here is tissues, Deb.....
He took on all the things I could not do.  I could not talk.  I could not sit up....I was like a wilted flower.  I couldn't raise my arms, it was like they were attached but I could not make them do anything.  He called 911, he called my mom, he called his parents, he called our close friend in Tennessee who was like a second mom to Jared, and he called my step-son, his son to say the brother you have known most all your life is gone.  I couldn't walk, let alone think straight.  He took care of everything. He gathered every business card, every piece of paper with a number and name written on it, he did laundry and dishes and cared for dying pup.  He tried to conceal anything he thought might trigger a tear filled feeling inside me.  Problem was, everything triggered tear filled feelings.
It wasn't for a couple of days before I began asking questions about the autopsy, police reports, detectives, items they had to take, cremation, can Jared fly? Oh my GOD what if he can't fly...we have services and family and friends and ...... Calm down Rich has already thought about it and checked into everything.  I couldn't comprehend anything.  I would watch a television show and Rich would ask what I was watching as he came up on commercial and I couldn't even remember what I was watching.  I know I asked him a few questions multiple times and with gentle and loving tones he would answer....over and over and over again.
I haven't seen my husband vulnerable but once in our 14 years together.  I have seen him very vulnerable the last couple of weeks.  I have continued to watch him make sure nothing or no one would hurt me anymore.  But as we all know that just isn't possible.  I love him for it, but it just isn't possible.
This past Mother's Day Brent wrote me a letter and told me some very deep emotions and he said I was the glue that holds this family together.  I have thought a lot about that these past several days.  I don't know about glue but I will do anything to protect him.  I told Rich the other night I feel like I am on an old metal slide like we had on the playgrounds that would get so hot in the sun and in addition it is covered in baby oil and very slick and I can't slow down, I can't stop, and it hurts.  At the bottom of that slide is my rock.  He catches me everytime I feel I need to just collapse.  I love him more than I could ever express in words or ever show him.  So it is with a warm hug, a gentle kiss, and a soft "I love you" that I say to him....You are my whole World.