We got the call last night that all the paperwork had finally come through. I say finally but in reality it was very quickly for the islands. Jared would be ready to come home in the morning. I made sure I could sleep through the night and this morning I was full of anxiety. I would get this lump in my throat each time the phone would ring. Then the dreaded no ring but voicemail notification. That is odd...they have been calling Rich....this isn't them. It was Dr. Marshall. She was calling to check on us and to offer a book she found in her office for us to read. So we made arrangements to meet her and pick it up. Rich then placed a phone call to see if Jared was ready for us to pick him up. And......he was. It was a pleasant experience.....as these things go. I cried with the phone call, I cried on the way there, I cried sitting in the office waiting on the death certificate and cremation certificate to be printed, and I cried when I saw him come through the door. She gave us a few minutes alone and the flood of emotions that came through my body....I can't tell you what all they were. I know I felt like he was there. I know crazy but it was a feeling. I also heard that voice after a few minutes..."Come on Mom I wanna go home". So I picked up the Urn and I remember saying.....good grief kid you are heavy! I was not prepared for the weight of it. But with loving arms I carried him to the truck. Rich asked are you sure you want to carry him and I replied yes, I carried him into this World and carried him home the first time and I will do it this time too. We then stopped by Dr. Marshalls to pick up the book she offered us on loan and back to the house so Rich could work. I sat him on the pedestal which ironically is right in line where he could watch the World Cup! I picked Poco up and let him see what was going on....he has been very sad and mopey and sick. How much is sadness and how much is illness? I don't know. But he looked at Jared then at me and then dropped his head. That broke my heart. As we prepare to travel I know that he may not be here when we get back. He is so ill but he is almost 100 in dog years! Again, my husband and my rock was with me through this all trying to protect me every moment. But this is a path I must walk and I will come out on the other end stronger.
This afternoon I went for a scoot to clear my head (scooter ride) and to get the mail. It was invigorating. The air blowing on my face, the smell of salty air, the clarity. AMAZING I talked to Jared. I told him I was ok but I am mad at him. I am mad because........
I love you so much Jared. I reflected on our scoots together. How we would ride together in the mornings on his way to school and how we scooted together a couple of weeks ago to go look at tablets. It was fun. We rode side by side and enjoyed talking and teasing each other at each stop we came to. Had I have known the future I would have ridden around this island a 100 times with him. I stopped on the way in the neighborhood to see a friend and had a nice talk as I looked out over the ocean. I thought about all the wonderful times I have enjoyed with Jared in and under the water. Cruising, snorkeling, diving, boating, swimming, and baptism.
Tonight his best friend from the island will come for a visit and I can just hear Jared now......Let's watch the World Cup....mom can you make me lemonade and something to eat?
Tonight we will enjoy our visit with friends a little more....without cell phones or other electronic devices distracting us. Just listening, laughing, and enjoying one another.
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