Good Evening...PSA: Many people have friend requested me and sent me private messages asking me to continue to share my experiences with them. Some for healing themselves and others to understand and explain to their own children. So if this is too much please click the carrot in the upper right hand corner and "unfollow" my posts.
The past couple of days I have experienced a couple of emotions that are Normal but don't get talked about much. Anger and Pity. I am angry at Jared Martin for leaving me. I am angry for him leaving me here without him. I am angry for him doing this to his friends. I am angry at him....just because.
I pity myself....isn't that awful? But I do....or did and probably will again. I don't get Senior Pictures, Senior Night, Graduation, College, Senior prom, I don't get to "hate" the girl who steals my baby's heart, and I won't get grandchildren. Which sparks the anger again. How dare you!
Don't get me wrong....I have a beautiful step son Brent, and I love him as much as I do Jared, but I make a conscious decision to NOT step on "Mom Territory". Brent knows I am here if he ever needs me but I will not try to take the place of anyone.
Over the past week I have learned a few things about Jared. And they make me laugh. Like him getting extremely drunk at Reef Jam. I know many of you are probably cringing right now. But 18 is legal age here to drink and we all know he looked every bit of that. But you know what....I am glad. Why? Because he got to experience it. He also got to experience puking and a hangover. I also learned that our bill at The Mill was larger when Jared was there because he bought friends of ours beers....on our tab....LOL What a kind heart. I am sure that as time goes on I will learn more. I hope I do anyway.
But I really enjoyed learning what a kind heart he showed everyone. At his service here there were Christians, Catholics, Jews, Islamics, young, old, black, white, unpopular, popular, rich and poor. What I am so very proud of is he treated everyone the same. The lady at our guard shack who came in her 2nd job uniform and said he is the only one that speaks to her every time he goes by and every morning says Good Morning. The boy who came up and stuttered as he said he wanted me to know how special Jared made him feel because Jared always laughed at his jokes no matter how corny they were. He said he doesn't have many friends but Jared always took time to talk to him. All of this then again sparks anger and pity.
While I know this is all normal and I work through it with a very wonderful supportive husband, it is a struggle at times.
What it has reminded us is to say hello, smile, wave, acknowledge everyone around us. As we left the neighborhood tonight Rich muted the radio and rolled down his window as we approached the shack and I asked him what he was doing....he replied....I am saying Good Evening.
Jared embraced the Island life style which is Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening. He was happy here. I know this many ways but confirmed in his own words. However, he was "homesick" for Tennessee. He missed his friends there and the way things were. But as we all know things change.
I hope everyone says hello or Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening to someone new tomorrow. It will make you feel good.
The past couple of days I have experienced a couple of emotions that are Normal but don't get talked about much. Anger and Pity. I am angry at Jared Martin for leaving me. I am angry for him leaving me here without him. I am angry for him doing this to his friends. I am angry at him....just because.
I pity myself....isn't that awful? But I do....or did and probably will again. I don't get Senior Pictures, Senior Night, Graduation, College, Senior prom, I don't get to "hate" the girl who steals my baby's heart, and I won't get grandchildren. Which sparks the anger again. How dare you!
Don't get me wrong....I have a beautiful step son Brent, and I love him as much as I do Jared, but I make a conscious decision to NOT step on "Mom Territory". Brent knows I am here if he ever needs me but I will not try to take the place of anyone.
Over the past week I have learned a few things about Jared. And they make me laugh. Like him getting extremely drunk at Reef Jam. I know many of you are probably cringing right now. But 18 is legal age here to drink and we all know he looked every bit of that. But you know what....I am glad. Why? Because he got to experience it. He also got to experience puking and a hangover. I also learned that our bill at The Mill was larger when Jared was there because he bought friends of ours beers....on our tab....LOL What a kind heart. I am sure that as time goes on I will learn more. I hope I do anyway.
But I really enjoyed learning what a kind heart he showed everyone. At his service here there were Christians, Catholics, Jews, Islamics, young, old, black, white, unpopular, popular, rich and poor. What I am so very proud of is he treated everyone the same. The lady at our guard shack who came in her 2nd job uniform and said he is the only one that speaks to her every time he goes by and every morning says Good Morning. The boy who came up and stuttered as he said he wanted me to know how special Jared made him feel because Jared always laughed at his jokes no matter how corny they were. He said he doesn't have many friends but Jared always took time to talk to him. All of this then again sparks anger and pity.
While I know this is all normal and I work through it with a very wonderful supportive husband, it is a struggle at times.
What it has reminded us is to say hello, smile, wave, acknowledge everyone around us. As we left the neighborhood tonight Rich muted the radio and rolled down his window as we approached the shack and I asked him what he was doing....he replied....I am saying Good Evening.
Jared embraced the Island life style which is Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening. He was happy here. I know this many ways but confirmed in his own words. However, he was "homesick" for Tennessee. He missed his friends there and the way things were. But as we all know things change.
I hope everyone says hello or Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening to someone new tomorrow. It will make you feel good.
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