Sunday, June 22, 2014

Anger and Pity

Good Evening...PSA: Many people have friend requested me and sent me private messages asking me to continue to share my experiences with them. Some for healing themselves and others to understand and explain to their own children. So if this is too much please click the carrot in the upper right hand corner and "unfollow" my posts.
The past couple of days I have experienced a couple of emotions that are Normal but don't get talked about much. Anger and Pity. I am angry at Jared Martin for leaving me. I am angry for him leaving me here without him. I am angry for him doing this to his friends. I am angry at him....just because.
I pity myself....isn't that awful? But I do....or did and probably will again. I don't get Senior Pictures, Senior Night, Graduation, College, Senior prom, I don't get to "hate" the girl who steals my baby's heart, and I won't get grandchildren. Which sparks the anger again. How dare you!
Don't get me wrong....I have a beautiful step son Brent, and I love him as much as I do Jared, but I make a conscious decision to NOT step on "Mom Territory". Brent knows I am here if he ever needs me but I will not try to take the place of anyone.
Over the past week I have learned a few things about Jared. And they make me laugh. Like him getting extremely drunk at Reef Jam. I know many of you are probably cringing right now. But 18 is legal age here to drink and we all know he looked every bit of that. But you know what....I am glad. Why? Because he got to experience it. He also got to experience puking and a hangover. I also learned that our bill at The Mill was larger when Jared was there because he bought friends of ours beers....on our tab....LOL What a kind heart. I am sure that as time goes on I will learn more. I hope I do anyway.
But I really enjoyed learning what a kind heart he showed everyone. At his service here there were Christians, Catholics, Jews, Islamics, young, old, black, white, unpopular, popular, rich and poor. What I am so very proud of is he treated everyone the same. The lady at our guard shack who came in her 2nd job uniform and said he is the only one that speaks to her every time he goes by and every morning says Good Morning. The boy who came up and stuttered as he said he wanted me to know how special Jared made him feel because Jared always laughed at his jokes no matter how corny they were. He said he doesn't have many friends but Jared always took time to talk to him. All of this then again sparks anger and pity.
While I know this is all normal and I work through it with a very wonderful supportive husband, it is a struggle at times.
What it has reminded us is to say hello, smile, wave, acknowledge everyone around us. As we left the neighborhood tonight Rich muted the radio and rolled down his window as we approached the shack and I asked him what he was doing....he replied....I am saying Good Evening.
Jared embraced the Island life style which is Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening. He was happy here. I know this many ways but confirmed in his own words. However, he was "homesick" for Tennessee. He missed his friends there and the way things were. But as we all know things change.
I hope everyone says hello or Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening to someone new tomorrow. It will make you feel good.
  • Melanie Dixon Good evening. Talk to you tomorrow. Ly. Hope you both sleep well.... or at least better
  • Corey Stewart You are in my thoughts and prayers, Debbie Martin. I can't (and hope I never have to) experience the array of emotions you must be feeling. I am sure everything you feel is completely normal. Please let me know if you need anything.
  • Alicia Drake Norris You have every right to feel all of those emotions. I can't imagine what you are going through. My heart aches so bad for you. Every picture you post, I see the gentle boy that was Jared. I can feel the love you had for him through your posts. You raised him to be that loving man. You get to grieve and I hope people understand that.  to you over this next week as you go through the services.
  • Lisa Vann Gusty Love, Laughter and Peace to you and your family, Debbie! You have a right to be you and feel the way you do...no one else understands what you have been and going through....but you know, you are strong and it will take time. But Jared will always be with you in your heart and soul. He was a wonderful kid who had a kind heart! You are an awesome and loving Mom! Don't ever let anyone's words tell you any difference...you know who you are and that is what matters! Jared loved you very much!
  • Rachel Titus Atta Girl! You are normal. What you're feeling is normal. You working through it and sharing is healing. You're an amazing woman and I love that through the anger, self pity, and sadness, you're learning a new way of life. Through your loss, you are awakening. Always a thought and prayer for you passes through my days. I appreciate you for what I'm learning through your journey. Thank you Deb.
  • Donna Jimmerson Thank you Rachel Titus, You hit the nail on the head!!! So well said. Think of you Debbie Martin all the time. Keep strong!
  • Janene Johnson VanBebber I have never lost a child to suicide and I know my experience is really no comparison to your's. What I do know is I have walked through those times and I know those emotions well. At times I hated myself for it especially thoughts of jealousy for those who were blessed to not experience it. Those thoughts, emotions, questions of why are all VERY normal and I would be more concerned for you if you didn't experience it. Unfortunately it is the path of grief, but I have no doubt that you will survive. It won't be pretty at times, but the end results will bring beauty just as they are now by being real to others about this. You are inspiration to many including me.
  • Colleen Carley Debbie Martin thanks for sharing.
  • Beth Hoffman Tiesler I will not be clicking "the carrot". I love that you are able to share with us your very personal stories. I hope it helps you too. BTW , I m still hugging your neck really hard!
  • DeeDee Burns McCarty Debbie that was so well said. I had goosebumps the whole time I read it. I can't imagine how u feel, we have been through a lot of those thoughts but still have our son. Just can't stop thinking about u:((
  • Debbie Martin Thank you all so much. I love you all.
  • Meaghan Helton Morris Mrs. Martin,
    I can't say that I understand the pain and feelings that you are going through. However, what I can say is this you have every right to feel the way you are feeling. No one can tell a mother who has lost their child to feel a certain way. I have been amazed at the strength and courage you have shown over the last week. You are truly an amazing woman and mother!!
  • Janet Redpath I had a sister that had four boys and three of them committed suicide so that left one and she passed away this last august and I don't know how she did it
  • Lori Boyd Minks Debbie thank you for sharing with us the good and the bad. I would worry about you if you didn't have the anger. Praying for you.
  • Jen Reiterman-Bailey Debbie Martin jared knows you are angry and sad and hurt andbhe knew before he left earth bit one thing you can think about is this.... jared knows you love him no matter how hurt or angry or sad you are and he knew you will always love him him. You h...See More
  • Melinda Muller Debbie I am keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayets! Every time you post something I read it and want to give you the biggest hug. You are going through the right emotions for what your going through. I wish that no one every had to deal with everything that is left after a suicide. Again love ya and giving you big hugs and prayers. You had an amazing and good looking son!! ♡♡
  • Sandra Lashley Much love to you Debbie. I won't click the carrot. I cannot imagine what you're going through and I'm grateful that you are willing to share some of it with us. I am in awe of your strength, your sense of humor, and your generosity of spirit.

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