Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Losing Our Identity To Become Mom and Dad - June 17,2014

As parents we lose our identity and become known as someone's mom or someone's dad. I was blessed for 17 years to be Jared's Mom. Another job of mom is to fix everything that is wrong. Opening juice boxes, for the toddler kissing the boo boo, putting the wheel back on the truck after he decided they needed to be rotated. As he grew it was where is my shirt, shoes, I need posterboard for a project due tomorrow. Then when he started driving it was mom I just had an accident and the jeep is hanging from a tree over the bluff. Yep you probably have the same mental picture I did. I was the one he called when he needed something because Mom fixed it all. I have been next to him in the hospital at 2 years old fighting Rotavirus, with him in the ER getting stitches from playing. .... twice. Giggled with him as he went through a serious concussion and he thought it was fun being wheeled down the hall. I sat beside him all night in the ER as he had rocks picked from his wounds from his accident in April.
Jared suffered from s broken heart. He reached out for help to fix it. We had been working on fixing it with the help of a wonderful doctor. Unfortunately, it couldn't be treated with medicine or surgery not even momma could fix it.Jared Martin got a trait from me that I wish he hadn't. That is he was stubborn as hell. When he made his mind up there was no changing it. In the end he again reached to mom to take care of him. I have struggled with that but tonight I am at peace with it. In fact I am privileged to be Jared's Mom taking care of his wishes the way he wants, standing up for what he wanted even though it isn't what a few of his family members want. I have reminded a few people the last few days that his services and arrangements are what Jared wants and when we come together I hope everyone remembers that. Jared wanted to have a part of him with his dad and he took care of that part and he requested the other part of him was with me wherever I may be.
As I said the other day I would answer questions as I could. So I hope this helps you understand the whys of his choices.
To his teen friends:
Reach out for help when you are hurting. Your parents are always there to help. Suicide is NOT the answer EVER! In the upcoming events we are celebrating the friendships he brought together.
  • Alicia Drake Norris Well said, Debbie. 
  • Paul Nelson Y'all will get thru. We need y'all.
  • Tanya Dodson Krantz I am so truly sorry you are having to walk this walk. My deepest prayers are going up for you and your family.
  • Melanie Dixon Only a truly amazing woman, MOM, could possibly be able to handle the situation the way you have, but to also reach out to the other teens out there in hopes of getting them help. You are awesome. I hope everyone realizes you have made the choices you have to do what Jared wanted and to allow you and the rest of his family and friends go on with only memories of him. He was truly a special young man and has a VERY special mom. God bless you. I love ya!
  • Mary MacRae I cannot say it any better than how Melanie said it, Debbie. Just do it Jared's way - that's what he wanted and that's what his Mom should do because he trusted and loved you and he knew you would. Love you, my sweet friend.
  • Julian Kilton This is the fourth or more times you have had to handle all the hardest of demands of family - business - friends - and many times your own needs came last! As many of your friends have and will step forward. l want on us for support in the days to come! Scott Kilton
  • Leonard Gregg You've left me with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I can't imagine having to deal with your situation. During my 25+ years with our rescue squad, I've seen the tragedy, the heartbreak that suicide brings to family and loved ones. I am amazed at how you are handling this and I pray that those who disagree with Jareds wishes and the arrangements you're making will understand and I'm glad that you have found peace with yourself. May God hold you in his tender, loving arms through the coming weeks.
  • Sierra Ham I know being Jared's Mom brought you the most joy. Please know his life lives on in your heart and in the lives of those he touched! I never knew Jared, but because of him my little soccer player and I have had some great conversations about depression and suicide! I'm going to also let all the kids I work with know that they are loved and that I am here for them. I hope no other mom suffers the loss you did and more importantly I wish no other child to suffer in any way!!
  • Tracie Vaughn-Glick I completely get where your coming from. . Hugs
  • Natchure Stockton Well said, Debbie! Thank you for sharing as I hope it serves as a reminder to teens to speak up and seek help. Praying for you and your family.
  • Debi Harris Pistole No words other than you are an extraordinary mother & person. Bless you Debbie.
  • Paul Fish All I can say is Amen. It is his and your right to do so.
  • Judy Hurdle Blessings!
  • Paul Fish What I meant was Amen to the arrangements but not to what happened. It is never the way
  • Heather Reid U have a beautiful way with words when u talk about Jared....I wish there were something I could say to comfort you & his friends & family....all I can do is offer my sincere condolences!!!
  • Marie Spafford You're a strong wonderful woman Debbie Martin.
  • Jody Rees Very Well Said Debbie Martin I am so sorry
  • Vanessa Cleeton Friend Sending prayers and thinking of your family!
  • Julie Adams Lyons Amen....and ((HUGS))! Prayers to you all yo get through this!! I was blessed to talk to your mom Saturday evening and I hope I gave her words of comfort as our family has been through similar situation....God Bless You ALL!!
  • Michele Grimmett My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
  • Tonya Skeeters Very well said! God bless you all!
  • Kandy Bridges My heart is with u
  • Dawn Renee Debbie, my heart is breaking for you. No parent should have to go through what you are but reading what you write each day, I feel comforted in knowing that you are remembering Your son the way He wanted. I am praying everyday for you and your family. ((Hugs))
  • Marie Keith Jacobs deb u all are in my prayers god be with the matin family they need u soooo bad amen love to u all
  • Angel DeOrnellas Cambridge Spoken like a true loving caring mom!! I admire your strength. Would love to hug you and comfort you!!
  • Marnie Heather Spann I'm so very sorry for ur loss. If there is anything we can do in Kingston Springs let us know. U and ur family in our prayers. Love u all
  • Rachel Rumple-Comerford Oh Debbie! I haven't been on FB for awhile and when I came across this I had to re-read your post. I just couldn't believe what I was reading. I am so very sorry you are going through this. I'm truly at a loss for words...nothing can take away this pain. I will be praying for you & your family. If Jared was anything like you, I'm sure he was an amazing kid!
  • Melinda Muller Debbie my heart is crying for you and I am very sad for you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I am sending you strength to help you get over this obstacle!!
  • Jen Reiterman-Bailey Debbie Martin you are stubborn and strong but from when I met you in our teen age yrs (we wont discuss how long ago that was) to now you have had to be strong and stubborn to get through everything you have gone through. You are truly an inspiration to parents because your willingness to speak out to other teens bare your pain and have to have Jared as an example to help other teens. Right now Jared Is looking down at you smiling and holding you because he know mom has always been his rock. Thanks for sharing love ya girl!
  • Kenny Bowen Debbie I'm so sorry that he took his life.
    There are things in life that we will never be able to fix,and you have found something that you couldn't.
    It's never easy to lose a loved one.
    Your doing the right thing by doing what Jared wanted.
    Heal your heart by knowing you did the best you could,and that he loved you.
    My heart goes out to you.
  • Bobby Greenough I think Jared was blessed to have a Mom like you.
  • Paula Roberts You are truly an angel! Jared is blessed to have you as him Mom!
  • Mel O'Drama I am with you my friend, in spirit, until I can give you a hug in person.
  • Kelsey Marie Staed This made me cry. I miss him so much!
  • Tammy Case Keeping you & your family in my thoughts & prayers.
  • Teresa Sanders Gupton Oh how I feel your pain and sadness. You are in my prayers.
  • Lanie Hayes Duff Great job Debbie, God is with you all the way. This remind me of Footprints in the sand. When you think you can't, God will carry you. Love you, girl.
  • Gen White I just heard about what happened and I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know you're in so many people's thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I'll never forget having you as a teacher and I wish you all the best.
  • Lynne Richards You are in my prayers and thoughts girl - love your post! Hugs and tears.

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