Grieving in a Social Media World

I have a mom that cringes at the word Facebook.  "Oh I hate Facebook"  I have met people that say they can't stand all the drama on Facebook.  Well, Facebook long ago added the option of the carrot that allows you to "unfollow" a person.  I have done that over the years to a few.  I don't want to "Unfriend" them because I do care about them and enjoy pictures they have.  But, I too do not like the drama or the F bomb every other word or the pictures of people flipping people off, etc.  One of the first things I checked "that" morning was Jared's Facebook to see if he posted anything.  He hadn't.  However, since "that" day many of his friends have posted pictures of good times they celebrated with him, funny stories, or just a public farewell.  It is not healthy to hold it all in and Facebook has allowed people to grieve together.  It has brought many new Friend requests.  Most importantly, it has the ability for a parent to see into the thoughts of a teen that most of the time is locked up very tightly.  Texting....My phone has so many texts from people...but for me, it was good.  Why?  Because I didn't want to "talk" to anyone.  But I could type a message.  Sometimes I just could not talk but through crocodile tears I could type a ty or thank you or love you too, back.  And this blog....I never expected it to go where it is going.  Over 4500 viewings in 9 countries/territories.  Amazing!  It has led to emails of support from people I have never met but they saw the blog or it was shared at church by a member, or other mothers who have lost a child, other fathers who have lost a child, or parents who are making their children read it.  Not sure if I would have done that but kids and parents alike have expressed how they are seeing into how much pain is associated with a decision that is many times viewed as selfish.  The saying it is a small World is so true.
I guess I look at Social Media as a tool.  Like all tools it can be used for good or bad.  I choose to use all Social Media as a tool for good things.  And like all things when it is no longer needed it needs to be dealt with properly.  That is why in the near future Jared's page will be taken down. Not because I don't love him but because everyone needs to heal.  Jared and I talked about his Dad's Facebook page a few times and he said how so often it hurt him to look at it.  It hurt to see things posted on it post-mortem as a constant reminder to him he was gone.  We had a conversation on June 12th about that very subject.  He was very upset about something that had been posted and cried for over an hour about it.  He said I wish they would just take it down.  He had even written to Facebook and asked them to remove it.  I don't know when he did that because I didn't ask....I just hugged him and told him I knew it hurt to see some things.
Social Media allows you to connect with people who are thousands of miles away and grieve together.  It also allows you to meet and be supported by a "club" you now belong to.
My brother and sister-in-law lost a child in 1994.  I remember because it was just a few months before I got married to Jared's Dad.  I hurt so much for them.  I hurt for their three children who had lost a baby brother just shy of his first birthday.  My brother called me (which he NEVER does) just a couple of days after.  I think it took him that long to be able to call.  When I saw who it was and answered and heard his voice it was a connection that I felt for the first time.  A connection I know neither of us wish we have.  At Jared's service here on Island, a mother came up to me and with a look we connected.  She then handed me a letter and said when I am ready call her.  She had lost her son in a water tragedy here.
While I do not know where this path or road will lead in the future, I know that Social Media will help me find where I am supposed to be.  I will have the love and support of family and friends who are far away.  I will have critics too.  I hope to touch one person who is contemplating suicide as an answer to a problem(s) or comfort one parent who must travel this same road.  While it doesn't feel like it now, I know that I will one day, get to the end of this grieving process.  But  long before I get to the end (because that happens when I pass away), I will learn how to cope with the grief, manage the grief, live with the grief, and use the grief to help others.....just as Jared helped so many.


The picture below is one Rich took on the Sunday before Jared passed.  We were hiking on the West End of St. Croix and went down this road to find a destination that we never made it to.  I think it is beautiful, more now than ever.  It is like my path through grief.  I am not sure what is just beyond what I can see but I know one step at a time, carefully keeping my footing, with a slip every now and then, I will get to where I am going.