I have spent much time lately reflecting on my life with Jared. I knew I loved him and that we were very close but it isn't until you reflect on life that you realize exactly how close you were. I want to share something that has been happening that has invoked much reflection.
I have been noticing Zoe playing, at first what seemed by herself, but with someone who wasn't there. I mean she is waving her paws in the air at someone as she is on her back. She is talking and tilting her head in complete interest. She exhibits this when she is in play with me too. It wasn't until Saturday that it was "in my face" what I believe is happening. Saturday I had the very tall egret return to the house. Remember the egret from right after Jared passed? Zoe was outside to go potty and the Egret came to her and she to him. They weren't frightened by one another but rather intrigued and almost engaged in conversation. They both made gentle noises and stared at one another and bobbed heads and had this amazing exchange of information. I watched as tears fell down my cheeks. I was trying to keep them wiped away so I could take it all in and not miss a moment. I gently said, Jared? The Egret looked up and shook his head yes. Then it was back to Zoe with all his attention. I wish I could have understood what was being communicated. They both finished and the Egret disappeared behind the dirt pile and Zoe off to do business. I couldn't help but just drench myself in tears. Is it possible? Could it be? When I returned into the house I gave Zoe her piece of cheese as a reward for outside potty. Then went to the stove to make tea....there next to the other white feather from the last time that same Egret visited was another on the screen. I can't help but believe it was Jared visiting Zoe. Was he just checking her out? Was he instructing her in something?
Another unusual occurrence is the night Zoe came home 2 cats have appeared at the house. They jumped up on the balcony which is an adventure for them. They are young adults. One black cat and one pure white cat. They startled me when I first saw them. They both were laying outside the living room sliding screen door on the mat gazing in at Zoe. I chased them off as we do any cat because of the number of fleas and such the strays carry. But these two were different. I had never seen them. They spent the night on the balcony and I saw them again the next day. The day after Rich came home and I was telling him about the cats. Well, we haven't seen those cats again....until today. Today after I dropped Rich at the airport, I was meeting with a young lady here to organize the November 22 event on island and who is at the door? The white cat.
Another odd thing has been happening, LIZARDS.....all over inside this house. Baby ones. According to native Crucians, baby lizards means there is a baby on the way. I have seen no less than 12 in this house in the last week. Which continues to confirm my feelings of a baby girl. I don't know what that means....but all I know is a baby girl is on the way.
All of these signs happen and I am taking them in and processing and reflecting. I saw a piece on TV the other night that talked about scientific proof that spirits, Angels, ghosts, whatever you want to call them, walk among us. So I researched more about it. Feathers are a big sign from Angels. Coins, songs, and many other signs have been linked our loved ones visiting us.
I have reflected on Jared a lot today. I have talked to him telling him how much I wish he were here with me for this storm. I know he would be totally in awe of Zoe and she would have him wrapped around her paw. I have asked Jared to watch over us and keep us safe as we wait for this hurricane to hit us tonight. I also try to continue to heal. That is the hardest part. I really want to curl up and cry uncontrollably and endlessly, cry. I don't want to get up until the Lord takes me to be with Jared again. Then with a warm feeling, Mom I need you to stop this and make a difference. I have given you a job and I need you to do it. At time I then go through moments of anger with him. Why the hell didn't you stay and team with me to get this message out? Then he says, I am here with you. You just don't see me but I touch you and you know I do. YES, I know you touch me. This weekend I realized something amazing. My hurt is temporary. It will go away the day I go to Heaven and unite with Jared again. Then we will be together eternally. How amazing is that? Eternally! ForEVER AND EVER! That is such a warm feeling. When you look at life that way, I may be on earth another 40-50 years but I will be in Heaven with my loved ones a million times that long.
So while I am here, I will do what I am guided to do by God and Jared, raise Zoe to be a precious sweet girl, and take care of my husband.
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