The Christmas Stocking

This year decorating or Christmas was hard.  I didn't want the holiday to even happen let alone being happy and joyous about it.  What do I do with Jared's stocking?  What about Poco's stocking?  Needless to say it was a completely different Christmas for me.  Decorations went up.  This year a little differently, they were placed around the house.  Jared's stocking went up above his Urn.  When I wanted to talk to him I wrote him letters and placed them in his stocking.  It somehow made the holiday bearable.

Of course we traveled to Illinois to be with family and my sister-in-law and her husband had a candle for Jared and had a beautiful dish and rocks in it.  How appropriate, he was my rock.  The candle was lit and remained so throughout the evening.  They asked if I would like to bring it back but I told them I would like it to stay there.  I wanted them to light it for him when they missed him.  Of course the candle I have here simply can't burn 24 hours a day but I do light it often.

When we returned home it was time to take down the Christmas decorations and I pondered what to do with the notes I had written to Jared.  I decided to leave them in his stocking.  They will be there year after year.

Of course Zoe has not been gifted Poco's stocking and treats were stuffed in to overflowing levels.  She is learning what that stocking is all about.

I now have my Valentines decorations up and remember all the boxes that were made in Elementary School and the Valentines that were assembled.  In fact in one of the photo albums I brought back was a list from that year with all the children's names on it and Jared had drawn a line through each as he filled out their card.

My heart warms thinking of him and I won't stop talking about him.  Yet my heart breaks for him and all the others that have taken their life by suicide.  They are getting younger and younger, in fact, I recently learned of ten year old.  TEN!  He shouldn't even know about death, let alone contemplate it.  This has fueled my desire to get this message into the schools, into churches, into community organizations, and into Veterans organizations.

Something has to give to help these children.  We have to quit being so mean to one another.