How many times have you said this or heard this in your lifetime? So many I can't count. What is fair? Maybe that is a better question. This year I am really focusing on me, the inner me, the spiritual me. I am looking for the positive in everything. That is really hard sometimes. I have found that we have been conditioned to look for the "nots" in life instead of the "is". It is far easier for me to say, "It is NOT warm outside" rather than, "I am blessed with warm clothes and riches many can't fathom." Why is that? Here is what I have thought about for many days now.
From birth we are told, "don't, stop, wait, no," etc while we are growing and learning. Some of those are necessary. Don't run into the street is a valid No. Don't put your hand on the hot stove, valid No. But think about this for a minute, remember in school from an early age what do the handbooks and classroom rules say most of the time.
1. No Talking
2. No getting out of seat without permission
How about a little change in our thoughts to more positive.
1. Speak positive words when speaking
2. When walking about, be polite
You get the point. I think this has conditioned each one of us to be negative in many aspects of our lives.
The news helps feed that in all of us, or that is what we are demanding, not sure on that one. Front page is reserved for the worst, bloodiest, awful news, murders, terrorism, crime. Where is the good news? Buried in the back sections of the paper or the 20 second story at the end of the news cast. Why?
Well back to the topic...It is NOT Fair! I want happy news first. Let me choose to tune out of the news when you change to unhappy news.
Life is not fair....boy have I heard that a ton of times. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. Life I think is fair but things that take place within our life are not always fair. Is it fair that Jared took his life? I don't think so. But, I have also learned to look at it this way. Was it fair he continued to suffer so much inside? Was it fair that he was being pulled into a life he didn't want to satisfy a part of his family that struggled to come to terms with Jared's Dad's suicide? Was it fair to his teammates, classmates, friends, and family that he chose to take his life and leave us with pain? Was it fair he was in so much pain inflicted by others that he lost and those that were still alive? But none of these questions have to do with Life.
Life comes from God, in my opinion. Life is fair. We are given in life the ability to love. With each ability we are also given vulnerability. That leads to pain of many levels, hurt, embarrassment, breakups, divorce, and even death. But each of these remind us of the blessings we are also given, most importantly, those that cause each of the above feelings and emotions, or events.
Life gave me Dan and a love that brought a child into the world. Fair Dan's weaknesses caused a multitude of issues that were not able to be resolved due to many things. Not Fair Ultimately, a divorce happened. Not Fair, mostly to Jared. Met a wonderful man that has been by my side for many years now. Fair Good times. Fair Sad times and bad times. Not Fair.
You get what I am saying. So while it is Not Fair to me that Jared is gone, it Is Fair to Jared he is not hurting any longer.
I am entering several months that I must remind myself of this. As the class of 2015 races to the end of their high school careers, I will be feeling all the emotions imaginable, hurt, happiness, sadness, love, joy, and others I haven't felt yet. I will see Jared walking with his friends as they get their diplomas, celebrate their time together, and reflect on the years together. I will also be going through my first Valentine's Day and Easter without Jared, his first Birthday in Heaven, his senior graduation, first soccer season sitting at home, and the first year Angelversary.
So is this Fair? No but yes....I am blessed to be able to have the support, love, and good friends to share all of this with.
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