Wise Words From Grandma

When I was in early elementary school my grandfather had a stroke which left him incapable of taking care of himself.  This was devastating to him as he had been an active farmer all his life.  My uncle was well known in our community and had much rental property in our small town.  My uncle lived on the corner of our block and our house was beside it.  My uncle had recently purchased a property on the other side of his which backed up to the back side of our property.  The family chose to move my grandparents in to that location to allow us to all assist in taking care of my grandfather.  In our family putting someone in a nursing home was just not what we did.  In fact it was always my grandparents who took in the elderly in the family to care for them.
My grandfather needed assistance with everything and my grandmother had always been the sickly one.  So we were only a phone call and a holler out the window away.  It was hard on Gramp to allow any of us to help him out and see him the way we all must in order to take care of him.  We had to assist in every way.
My grandparents were kind people, yet like most seniors they developed a very sharp tongue.  It became sharper each year and the filter we all carry began to disappear.  Looking back on it this is probably why my grandmother shared some things with me when she did.
Throughout my years living at home I would clean my grandparents home each week and earn money for camps and other things.  I would also help my grandmother with balancing check books and she tried her best to teach me how to cook.  That seemed to come naturally to her and not to me.  She also taught me that you don't have to have all the fancy gadgets to do things.  I learned to iron with her metal iron she heated up on the stove and a towel on the kitchen table as a board.  Let me tell you she ironed EVERYTHING including the sheets and pillow cases.  Laundry was hung out on the line to dry with every opportunity with the underwear located in the middle line and outer wear, towels, and sheets on the outside lines.  Underwear went up last and came down first.  I wonder what they would think these days when girls wear them as clothes.  LOL
One day I remember cleaning and a family member came over that we all kept a close eye on for multiple reasons.  I asked grandma why she even allowed him in.  She responded that you can't choose your family but you can choose the ones you claim.  I was taken back by that answer.  But I think of that often.
I also think that works in reverse.  While we may not be family by blood, we can choose who we connect with as family.
Grandma also told me many other things that were wise.  First, use your fine silver often or it will tarnish.  She said even if it is just eating bologna sandwiches and beans.  Use your good china and silver.  Now was she planting a seed to nurture?  Because unlike my grandmother with an amazing green thumb, I on the other hand have little luck.  But maybe she was also explaining to me that just because something or someone seems to be extremely valuable, they are not if they just sit and are never valued for their purpose.
She also said never go to bed mad or you will wake up mad.  She was right.  Tried that once and learned my lesson.  Not again.
She also taught me how to focus on the things needed to be done first while putting the others on the back burner and pulling them up one at a time.  I do that often.  As example.....Today I must grocery shop to eat tonight, tomorrow I have a radio interview for our event on Saturday so in the morning I will prepare for that, Friday finish last minute items for Saturday and get rest, Saturday morning set up and event, Sunday or Saturday afternoon send thank yous out, Sunday rest, Monday my birthday and Rich has planned a great evening out with friends, Tuesday....rest, Wednesday prepare for Thanksgiving as much as possible, Thanksgiving make all the side dishes to Rich's smoked turkey.  Friday Jump Up, Saturday and Sunday - rest.  Then the following week begin promotion for Giving Tuesday.  Then focus on the Red Out Nights coming up and helping the new Keepers Clubs get everything organized for them.
Grandma taught me a lot.  Much I didn't even recognize until years after she was gone.

Anger

I have every right to be angry.   Who are you to say I don't?   I can be pissed if I want to.   I can be happy if I want to.   Lately, I have been fighting anger.   Anger at people who are not worth my emotions.   Anger at a society who refuses to acknowledge a problem.   Anger with life. 
I am fortunate because I can rationalize myself from this place but some powwow can't.  
I want my baby back.   Why can't he come back?   Because death is permanent, forever, never ending.  
I can let anger consume me or I can get stronger from it.  
I choose to be stronger from it.

Reflections

I returned Friday afternoon from another trip to the states to talk to teens about suicide prevention and awareness.  I spoke at high schools and middle schools.  I even had one PTO meeting and a Chamber of Commerce Meeting.  While the Chamber meeting was pretty self contained, we had a great response from those who attended.  The PTO meeting was at a school that had been touched by suicide.  What is sad is that the parents of the young man lost were present and saw first hand the empty offerings that come when a loved one is lost.  I don't think it is only to suicide this happens but during all losses.  People who say they want to support you and learn more and they will be there for you, but they don't show up.  If you have ever lost anyone then you know who I am talking about.

Yet, I feel so overwhelmed with love when I talk to teens.  They are genuine, speak from the heart, and mean what they say.  They don't offer empty promises.  They have a pure love and they know empathy.  They ask questions with an extreme purpose behind them.  They have a desire for knowledge to solve a problem and when they are empowered with helping me solve the issue of suicide they step up and are loud and proud to save a friend.

So where is it between teen and adult that we lose that?  Where is it we find it acceptable to offer empty gestures of kindness?  Where is it we find it acceptable to offer empty promises?  Where is it we lose the desire to change the world for the better?

I am amazed when I tell teens I need something done, something seemingly unobtainable, and they get it done.  I sent 19 students to the Tennessee State Capitol last February to help the AFSP get the message out about suicide prevention and awareness to the Legislature.  It filled my heart to listen to all the stories from each of those young adults when they left about getting to talk to every elected official except 2 that refused them.  The innocence of it all is they didn't have appointments to see any of them, they just walked in with a News Camera Crew and like magic they got in to see the official.  They didn't know you needed an appointment, they just did what they felt should be the way.  I have to agree, it should be, it once was, even at the White House you were allowed in to see and talk to the President.  Oh how times have changed.

I got to talk with Keepers Clubs and my oh my how I left with a full heart.  I talked with individuals and groups.  I listened to them tell me of Senior Projects, events they had taken part in, upcoming trips, struggles, and triumphs over dark times.  I felt Jared near them all.  I talked with administrators that are struggling to help struggling students.  How they want to take the pain away and make the children better.  I talked to parents and community members who were amazed at the students in their area taking on suicide and making adults talk about and help them fix it.

I talked to friends from school that I was close with, grew apart, and now are close once more.  I talked with friends who were once casual acquaintances who are now strong supporters of my efforts and in my inner circle of friends.

I met with law makers to help draft legislation to make a real difference and to help the students achieve what they feel is necessary to combat the issue of suicide.

While at times these struggles I feel with prevention and awareness are legitimate, they quickly give way to the acute awareness that my target audience is hearing the message loud and clear.  This also gives way to frustrations at times because so many administrators are stuck between what they want to do and what political powers are telling them to do.  How very sad!  I will say this, I do hold those "political powers" and "avoid at all cost" parents accountable for every teen lost.  That blood is on your hands.  I wonder how you would feel if that blood belongs to your own child.

Wouldn't it be great that if we didn't talk about a problem it would just go away?  Well then, stop talking about sexually transmitted diseases, cancer, budgets, low income, crime, homicide, race, etc.....it will all go away if you just stop talking about it.  If only.

I met a wonderful principal along my travels this time too.  He is a giant teddy bear.  I think his students feel the same way.  He towers over them all but is quick to offer a hug and a kind word.  He also took some extreme action to make a talk to his students take place.  He was amazing.

I wish the adults had an open mind like the teens do.  I wish they had an understanding and grasp of the real problems the teens are facing.  I wish.......so much.