Rich, always trying to take the pain away, convinced me that we needed to go away and we have been wanting to have a vacation of just relaxation rather than full of appointments. So we booked a cruise. At first I was overwhelmed with guilt about it. How can I go without Jared? But then I could hear him say, don't worry I will be right there with you. Boy was he right.
So we flew to San Juan to catch the ship and on Easter we traveled all the way back to the VI. We were in St. Thomas. We chose to relax since we had just been there the month before surprising my in-laws when then arrived by ship. So we spent a little time shopping but most of it enjoying a quiet time on the ship. We had our first formal night and were seated for the week at a table for 6. When we arrived just another couple was present. This would be true the entire week. I couldn't help but think how ironic it was that I heard Jared say I will be there and then had an empty chair at dinner the entire week that I could see him sitting in laughing, joking, talking about the day, and ordering the most adventurous food on the menu. In fact I chuckled out lout when I saw escargot appear and remember the first time he had it and loved it. I could hear him on the night lobster was served. He and I both loved seafood so we really enjoyed that experience together.
As Easter came to a close, I thought to myself how funny it was that I could somehow hear and feel Jared present with me. He was so very strong in his closeness to me last week.
Two short days later we were on the island of Martinique and The Martins celebrated our anniversary. It was a great day and I really found myself laughing at memories of Jared with us throughout our time together. From the memory of him jumping into Rich's arms as a three year old to the night he lectured Rich and I if we love each other we should be married, to the playful child on the beach that just heard the water, shells, and coral calling his name during our beach wedding that he nearly tripped the videographer during the ceremony as he was tossing bits of coral into the ocean. I thought of the times he loved to cook for us and happy times on cruises and vacations. We ended the day with going to the show and then heading off to bed. I could feel a playfulness in the air but would not understand it for a couple more days.
Two days later, April 9, I woke with tears falling. I told myself I will celebrate his day and not be sad for he is spending the day with his dad in heaven. On this day we were in Granada. This was a place we had not been before. We stopped for a walk on a beautiful beach and heart shaped coral seemed to be appearing with each step I took. I was overwhelmed. At first I began picking the pieces up until I realized the ship simply would not hold the weight. A few shells jumped out as I could hear, Mom check this one out. Goose bumps surfaced and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I could hear and see him playing in the water doing flops and swimming as if he were right there. I began to cry and Rich noticed and comforted me. We then walked hand in hand down to the other side of the beach. We found a little bar next to a pool at a hotel. We stopped in and something directed my attention to a Frozen Mudslide. That is what I ordered. See in the VI Jared would have been legal drinking age so I had one for him. I could then hear his chattiness surface all the way back to our tour group and back to the ship. I could hear him pointing stuff out and while some don't believe, I honestly did not see many things until I heard him and would turn to look for them and then see them. For a period of time I forgot he was gone, it was THAT real. That evening we returned to our cabin and things appeared as usual. However, I would find this to not be the case.
You see the next day Rich began to share things with me. Like the shower head had been pointed directly in his face. On the ship the removal shower head was adjustable. When the stewardess would clean she always left it down after cleaning the shower. Then he shared that the usual towel animal, daily paper, and what should have been the remote that always awaited us at the foot of the bed, was not as usual. The remote had been placed under the turn down of the duvet at the head of the bed. I laughed at Rich and said why would she do that and how would she know exactly where your head would be in the shower? Later I saw our stewardess while Rich was out and about. I asked her and pure horror came over her. She was concerned we were mad and would give her a bad review. She swore she had not done either thing and said she always put the shower head to the bottom and the remote on top of the paper. I laughed and assured her we were not upset and I think I know who did it. She looked puzzled but I left it at that.
That night when we arrived at our cabin she had made a special towel creation just for Rich.
I shared this with Rich but he simply did not completely buy into Jared playing jokes on him. That was until we arrived back on island. We visited the boardwalk our first evening back and the couple who run the Scooter Shop here on island caught Rich and told him about Jared's picture falling "the day before yesterday". They didn't want me to see it missing and be upset. See they put a photo of him up to honor him along side others that have been lost on island. I am told Rich began to laugh and told them to come share the story with me I would laugh at it and I would tell them why.
He came outside with me and said they would be coming to talk to me. Phil and Sandy each came at different times and told me and said how afraid they were to tell me. I laughed and said it was Jared! I explained how that was his birthday and the way I see it, he didn't much care for his picture being taken and he did lay his scooter down three times. So perhaps on his birthday, after a bit too much celebrating, he fell off the wall....lol I still have not had the courage to go to the garage to see if the scooter is standing or laying on its' side....LOL
This week so far has been busy with preparations for my trip in two weeks! YIKES!
So much must be finished up and completed and taken care of and OMG I must fix meals to divide up and freeze for Rich to eat while I am gone (because he will starve you know) and I have to pack and hey btw you just got the location of the fundraiser moved, holy cow now to replan the infrastructure of where we are now going to be (which is where I wanted to be in the first place) etc etc etc.
Zoe is starving for "mommy" time and glad to be home too. Things are just simply crazy, but good, right now.
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