I will give you a little map of my family. My mother married her high school sweetheart and had 3 children in order, my brother, my sister, and my brother. That marriage broke up for reasons that don't concern me and my mother then became pregnant with me, then married my father. Yes in that order. Taboo at the time! Probably where I get my rebel streak....lol. Anyway, my father had been married more than he should have been. His first marriage produced 3 boys, his second produced 1 son, and then you guessed it....the long awaited girl....me. Well these are the kids we know about. May be more but for all intense purposes with the government we are his children. But then there are actually others that I consider to be close in a way that is difficult to explain. My mother's first husband's wife had two boys and the youngest and I were close in age and I think felt a lot of the same confusing feelings about our place in the family. So if you are not completely confused just wait. Might help if you get a pen and paper and start drawing a tree or bush or......tumbleweed.
Anyway, let me go in reverse order, the oldest boy of my mom's ex-husband's wife's boys seemed to me to be the pride and joy of the family. Again, this is just my young child view. But the youngest that was close to my age, I always sensed was a little "left out" of things. Not sure why, but just appeared that way to me. He was sweet and kind and gentle natured. To this day we still communicate and thanks to Facebook it makes it easier to do so. He is doing well and has a beautiful family.
My siblings that share the same father as I on the other hand well, we are no Walton Family. In fact it was a 10 year gap from when my father passed to when I saw any of them again. When I graduated high school I reached out to my father's brother, my uncle and asked him to supply their addresses so I could invite them to my graduation. After all it was all my mother's fault I hadn't seen them in so long, RIGHT????? Well the youngest and just a couple of years older than I was, and also an only child from the marriage, came to my graduation and surprised me. We share a lot of anger towards our father's family but the difference is I have learned to let much of it go because it does me no good. I feel he still struggles to this day. We kept in touch in the year's following my high school graduation but in a very sparingly communicated way. You see he was married at the time we were reunited and I then got married, he then went through a divorce, and I then went through a divorce....basically life happened. But it was ok.
My other 3 brothers were full siblings. They shared their own bond. Two went military and were much older than I am and one went to college. In fact the youngest of those three made a career of the military.......for years! We met up at my graduation and periodically throughout the years but no significant relationship as siblings ever manifested itself.
My uncle passed a few years ago and I was unable to make the service. The youngest brother did attend and he called me so upset about how things happened at the service and beyond that he didn't approve of. I shared my feelings on the whole event. I told him, " I have learned to live without them as siblings this long, I don't need them now". I also told him while we are are family by blood, that is about the extent of it when it comes to them and he could always talk to me. I wasn't mean, I was just matter of fact. He was struggling because of a now severed relationship with his mother. This left him feeling completely alone. He was the only one from Dad's children that attended Jared's funeral and the only one who had never met Jared. Speaks volumes in my book. We exchanged few words but lots of unspoken words. I told him we would talk soon. I know he wants nothing more than to make a family out of a puzzle that is missing more than half the pieces.
My mother's children and I have a much closer relationship. Her youngest son and I are probably closer, because we spent the most time growing up together. Although, he is ten years older than I am, we still have a pretty special bond. He was always the one that could pick on me, but don't think you can or he will set you straight. He and also share a bond that neither of us wish we had. We both have experienced loss of child. His youngest child was lost in 1994 after rolling off a bed onto the floor just before his first birthday. What is hard to explain then, and now, is why did we all lose him. When he reached out to me after the loss of Jared there was a lot, a LOT of quiet time on the phone but volumes said in silence.
My oldest brother lived with my grandparents after my parents got together and also went into the military. I have been angry with him for many year. Why? Because in my eyes as my mother was struggling with making ends meet he had abandoned us. Why would you let your mother and siblings struggle so much and why would you not help? Well, I never have talked to him about any of these feelings but a few short years ago, I let all those feelings I felt go. I realized they were not my feelings to have. I don't know why he did, or really if he did, or did not do anything to help. What I know is we all made it through just fine and we are strong individuals for it.
Lastly, my sister. She has been a mother to me at times. She has been a mentor to me without even knowing it. She has been my best friend at times. She has been a role model and an inspiration without trying. She and my youngest brother did not graduate high school because of, what I blame on my father. But my brother got his GED the week before his youngest daughter graduated high school fulfilling a promise he made to himself. My sister also got her GED and went on to be successful by hard work and determination. She was pregnant at 16 because of circumstances she should have never faced. She married and has two beautiful sons and also two step-children now. She too faced a divorce in her life. She raised her boys for many years on her own.
My sister reaches out to me, seemingly when I need it the most, and sends me a text with a simple "I love you" or like last week, sends me books to read. Now my family knows I disliked reading all my life. reading=punishment for me. But somehow, after Jared passed I am finding great comfort in reading. I am not sure why but maybe because I feel I am being guided into what to read. Like coded messages.
She sent me two books, The Ultimate Gift and The Ultimate Life. Ironically at times I felt like I was reading my own story. They talk about a disjointed family who is self absorbed and the grandfather tried to give them the best life only to realize at the end they didn't appreciate, nor learn life's most important lessons along the way. However, he had one grandson that he saw hope in for reasons only a grandfather could know. You follow this young man through his journey to achieve the ultimate Gift after a year of following his grandfather's directions in order to get his chunk of a very large pie. See grandpa was an oil billionaire, a cattle billionaire, and a portfolio that seemed to never end. So each of his living children got their piece of the estate including ranches, oil industries, etc. Kind of reminded me of my father's passing. Things were quickly ripped apart that by father's youngest son and I were left with nothing. To me, it made life easier in retrospect. I had nothing for them to come after. But then after the family realized what he was left in the will, after he spent a year following the orders his grandfather left and all the tests of life given to him, well then guess what? Yep! His own flesh and blood, including his mother, sued him for his chunk. This took me to a place that made me angry. This took me to court in Tennessee after Dan died and the Petersburg Martin's sued me for my son. Over and over and over again, one law suite after another in pursuit of having total control over everything. In the book, if they family ever contested the will, they would give up everything they were left. Something none of them took the time to realize until it was pointed out in court. Sure they were to win and get the billions left to the grandson, they forged ahead. Just as in my case. Sure they were going to win Jared over and have him live with them, they continued relentlessly to achieve total control. In the book, after a year of never ending court, the young grandson showed the Ultimate Gift of Love by asking the court to allow the family members to retain what his grandfather had given them. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. In fact, while the book was a win, win, mine was a lose, lose.
It also spoke of dreams, and love, and family, and gratitude among other things. This stoked the fire in me to continue forward in Jared's Keepers Foundation and let no one, nor any thing, stand in my way of fulfilling Jared's dream of making people around him happy. How you ask, am I doing that? Well, simple, if I can help save one person from suicide, then I have made hundreds that would be touched by it, happy.
Now back to my sister. You see she is pretty darn amazing. She shared these books with me, in hopes I am sure, that I would share with others to spread such a message. I will do that for sure. I know my sister is there for me whenever I need her. While we have always been miles apart, we are close. I often see a post on Facebook "behind every sweet lady is the crazy sister". I think we take turns at that part. Mess with my sister and you will get me.
I have a wonderful family. I have a few goofballs too. I have some I prefer to not be around. I have some I wish I had more time with. I have short one, fat ones, tall ones, skinny ones, smart ones, some not so much, and at the end of the day, I have completely devoted ones. Some of these are by blood. Some are by legal documents of marriage or adoption. Some are simply by emotion and choice.
So to close, my sister is the one that gave me the gift today, to think about all my families. And just as I have had to do for Rich, lol, here is a little family tree.
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