"Them Kids"

How did you say that?  Go ahead say it outloud.  "Them Kids"
Did you say it with frustration in your voice?   Did you say it with awe in your voice?   Did you day it with disbelief in your voice?   Did you say it with anger in your voice?   Did you day or with disappointment in your voice?   Did you say it worth amazement in your voice?  
Throughout this month I have heard those two words used with many inflections.   You know they say emails can be read the wrong way?  Well these two words are living proof.
I have heard "them kids" more than I can count this month.  I have also reflected and contemplated on this.  Here is how I feel about "them kids".
I have had people share stories with me of children "coming out" with thier family about being gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual recently.  A friend of mine confided in me, then felt guilty as if they had burdened me with thier issue.  The issue was fear for loss of thier marriage and family unit.  What my friend didn't realize is they shared that fear and then had support no matter the outcome of supporting the child in the coming days as the rest of the family unit was told. 
I have had stories shared about children who chose unexpected paths. As an example, one story was of a young man who was extremely talented in the theatrical arts, while dad was a standout athlete.  I also heard the story of an academically over achieving young woman who is headed to a trade school or possible military. 
I have heard stories of young people being destructive and how the youth today just don't care about anything.
I have heard stories of young men who have saved lives by getting involved when others didn't.   I heard stories of how one young lady wasn't going to let some of her classmates fail and not graduate so she volunteered her time to help every one of them make it. 
Them kids!
So this is what I  think.
Adults are selfish! That is what I think. Why?  What? How dare I? 
See in every situation I encountered it wasn't about what was best for or made the young adult happy it was about how it made the adults feel.  I know some of you just said "Deb the butter just slipped off your noodle."  Here is why I say this.  See the story I told you first, it was fear of how the parent would react.  Fear of embarrassment of the parent.  Fear of shame put on the parent by others.   Oh boy, it is time to practice what we as parents have preached for ever, don't worry what others will think about you.  Easier said than done isn't it? 
The athlete, artistic, and trade or military stories I shared, well they too are selfish parents.  Not my kid! My child will be in the NFL or will go to Harvard because I want that bumper sticker to make me look important and make "me" happy.  Well parents, it isn't about us, it is about our children's happiness and if you can't be happy and proud of them for being the best at whatever they do, shame on you, not them. 
Now how about thoseother two stories, how does that make the adults selfish?  Well, certaily pride for those young adults are easily seen in the eyes of thier parents but more interesting is that it is the surrounding adults who want to take the glory for something they didn't do!  I watched as school officials took pride in the fact they had a student do what THEY should have been doing. This student made that school look great on all those state reports to hit thier graduation percentile. 
But here is what I saw.  I saw "them kids" who are amazing, lazy, caring, selfish, empathetic, compassionate, purpose driven, inquisitive, love deprived, abused, neglected, ignored, over achieving, under achieving, achieving, stressed, emotional, emotionless, clean, dirty, happy, sad, disappointed, elated, proud, and perfect the way they are.  They are perfect the way they are!  Say that again slowly, THEY ARE PERFECT THE WAY THEY ARE!
The things I have heard and seen this month is mind boggling on many levels.  
But parents I am calling you out on this one.   If your child reaches out to you for help, shut up,  listen,  forget about how people will think of you, and think of your child.   Get that child help if they ask for it.   I have had more cases of this than I care to think about this month.   When your child says to you they are cutting, they don't mean class they mean thier bodies HELP THEM!   When they tell you they are huffing, that doesn't mean they are frustrated they are getting high!  Please for the love of God and your child stop your BS and help your child! 
I don't want to have your name come across for a Keeper Box.  I don't want you in this sorority of Angel Parents.  I don't want you to feel the pain that we feel. 
I also want to address those who feel suicide is cowardly.  I am sorry you feel that way.  I too once thought that, because that is what I had always heard.  Reality is, that is false.  What is true is suicide is a permanent solution to what MIGHT be a temporary problem.  What IS true is suicide is about stopping a pain so deep, so dark, so vast, that those who never have felt such pain, have no way to empathize with such pain. 
Them kids are our future.   Then kids are going to do some wonderful things.   Them kids are just the way they are supposed to be.  
Them adults, well we need to work on a few things.